


So This is Christmas | Ai-centric Holidays Fic

by covacola



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Ai has feelings, Baking, Christmas, Cooking, Gen, Holidays, Quartet Night Lives Together (Uta no Prince-sama), Song Lyrics, Utapri Secret Santa 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21935710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covacola/pseuds/covacola
Summary: Ai doesn't really understand what all the fuss is about for the holidays, but he's curious and tries to go through the motions hoping to grasp it. He does. He's warm and happy.For the UtaPri Secret Santa 2019 on Instagram organized by the lovely kotobu.queen on insta! Dedicated to idol.trash.tamashii!!!
Relationships: Ittoki Otoya & Mikaze Ai, Jinguji Ren & Mikaze Ai, Kotobuki Reiji & Mikaze Ai, Kurusu Shou | Kurusu Syo & Mikaze Ai, Mikaze Ai & Shinomiya Natsuki
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	So This is Christmas | Ai-centric Holidays Fic

**Author's Note:**

> For idol.trash.tamashii, I hope you like it!!

There were a lot of things Ai was unaccustomed to. The proper way to celebrate the holidays was just one of the many things on that list. However, last year, STARISH had gone all out with their celebrations, and Reiji at the very least seemed keen on going all out this year, too. At first, he wasn't very inclined to bother, but seeing the reactions of those around him made him reconsider. 

For as much as he groaned and grumbled, Ai couldn't help but notice the wistful look Ranmaru had in his eye as he saw the city decorated for the season. Camus, too, had surprised him. He was in no way to be expected putting up decorations or wrapping gifts, but he did talk quite a bit of his homeland and their celebratory customs. 

As for the staff, Ringo was of course entirely decked out with festive attire and could be found humming merrily as he was about his work. Even Hyuuga, usually stoic and professional to a point, seemed more lax. 

And his kouhai, of course, were all in for the fun. Syo had already derailed a few of Natsuki's explosive baking exploits, but even they seemed to be enjoying all of the activity. 

Everywhere he looked, everyone seemed to be in better spirits than usual, and he couldn't deny he felt a bit out of place among it all. Everyone clearly had their own way of celebrating the time of year. Everyone except him. 

He opted to gain a bit more knowledge before attempting anything. He read through traditions and customs, researching all the different holidays and celebrations this time of year. He looked into different ways people went about being festive from how they dressed to what they ate. 

All in all, he found the whole thing rather absurd. People seemed to put so much stock into a season, and it didn't take much time for him to see the apparent negatives of a time in which everyone was simply expected to be festive and cheery. In a way, it was actually rather daunting. 

Perhaps one of the hardest blows came from an argument that had broken out between Camus and Ranmaru. The arguing itself was relatively standard, each going around in circles on a heavily opinionated topic as usual. But the specific topic, specific opinions had made him stop to think. It was rather known that Ranmaru had been a bit distant with his relatives, yet Camus, coming from a more traditional line, had been rather pushy about taking some time to put up with them. Camus himself didn't talk much about his home life, and while Ai had never been inclined to ask, he suspected there must be something to it. The two had argued back and forth on whether or not it was necessary to make contact for the holidays. 

It was Reiji's attempt to smooth the matter over that had hit him the hardest. He had reasoned that whether or not they did extend holiday pleasantries back home, what was important was the togetherness they had here. The two had scoffed and continued quarrelling, but it had made Ai realize part of what had been nagging at him. 

The holidays it seemed was a time to spend with others, for that togetherness. And yet Ai, professional work with Quartet Night aside, was a generally lonesome person. Reiji could butt in all he liked, his kouhai could be as friendly and personally invested in him as they pleased, but he had always considered himself relatively independent of anyone else. He had never thought of it until then, but the fact of the matter was he... really had no family or friends to celebrate with. 

What was the point of decorating his own living space? What was the point of making food and sweets for himself? And while it wasn't unheard of, buying gifts for one's self was a bit moot to the point. The realization had made him feel, for the first time, rather lonely. 

As the two continued arguing, Reiji still attempting to make peace, Ai had slipped quietly back into his room. He decided to bury himself into a bit more research. He couldn't be the only lonely person during the holidays, statistically speaking. It was then that a phrase popped out to him, one that had escaped his attention before. Eyes widening, he didn't notice the smallest smile quirk his lips. He knew how he would celebrate. 

* * *

"Could I join you?" His words stopped Natsuki and Syo's squabbling dead in its tracks. For a moment, he was worried he'd committed some unknown transgression. 

Syo turned, blinking at him. "You...want to join us?" 

Ai nodded, but he didn't have to respond. Natsuki broke out of Syo's restricting hold and beamed. "Ai-senpai wants to make cookies with us?!" He seemed absolutely ecstatic. 

Ai nodded again, but grew stern, "but only if we follow the recipe properly." 

He had assumed Natsuki would bawk, but on the contrary, he seemed to think it quite a fair trade for his improvisations to have him bake with them. 

Ai already had a few specific recipes in mind, and the other two seemed entirely okay with his recommendations. As promised, Natsuki allowed himself to be reeled in every time he went off on an idea, simply bubbling with happiness at sharing this time with them both. His continual thanks and commentary made him a bit uneasy at first. But after awhile, as the two started to relax and really get into their baking, Ai found himself actually having a bit of fun. 

"Ah!" Syo explained mildly, "I know what we're missing!" 

Ai looked up, keeping an eye on the batter he was mixing. Missing something? He had been thorough in triple checking that they had had all the necessary ingredients and supplies, how could they be-- 

"Music!" He exclaimed, pulling out a speaker and connecting his cellphone to it. 

Ai nodded in understanding as Natsuki cheered, the music starting up. Ai had memorized the list of traditional songs that were played during the holidays and had read that it was customary to play it while doing festive activities like this. 

As a musical performer, he shouldn't have been so surprised, but he found himself even more drawn to the charm of this simple activity as the three of them began to move and work to the rhythm. 

_The moon is right. The spirits up..._

"Ohhh! Ai-senpai!!" Natsuki chirped. Ai braced himself to firmly but politely stop Natsuki from going off on one of his little ideas for the sweets. "What if we melted some marshmallow to make cute little snowmen to decorate these with?!" 

Ai blinked, looking down at the cookies he was putting into the oven. It wasn't strictly in the recipe, but he found a strangely pleasant ease settle over him. He glanced up, seeing Syo look at him, grinning. Ai smiled. "That's a good idea." Natsuki seemed overtaken with pride and joy at the compliment, "we can add those at the end so they don't overbake."

_Simply having a wonderful Christmas time..._

* * *

Thankfully, Syo and Natsuki had not pressed him and had been willing to keep his portion of the sweets for the time being. Just as well, the apartment was quiet when he returned. Camus and Ranmaru seemed to have turned in for the evening. Reiji, as Ai had found him oddly made habit of, had stayed up, waiting. He was sitting at the countertop, seemingly absorbed on his phone. 

In that briefest of moments, Ai caught a determined, yet tired expression on Reiji's face. It wasn't that Reiji slacked off from his responsibilities, quite the contrary. But it was very rare to see any of the strain show through in his expression or demeanor. 

Just as he processed the thought, Reiji looked up, and the expression vanished as though it had never been. "Aiai," he said by way of greeting, keeping his voice upbeat yet modulated, "welcome home." 

"You're up late," he commented. 

Again, to his surprise, Reiji actually let his energy falter, glancing at the lit screen he'd left on the countertop. After a moment's hesitation, he responded, "yeah..." Ai eyed him. He wasn't acting at all like himself. Usually, Reiji would simply brush such comments away. In the back of his head, Ai remembered reading that while people usually got sentimental during the holidays, emotions and stress became more apparent, in line with all that pressure to be happy nonsense. "Family's having a tough time with the shop," he continued, pulling Ai from his thoughts. 

"Oh?" Ai replied, trying to practice the social skills he'd researched to deal with aforementioned emotional tension. Keyword _trying_. "Is everything alright?" 

Reiji seemed utterly taken aback by his response. He worried again that he may have transgressed, but Reiji quickly added, "no, no! It's... nothing like that..." Again he glanced at his phone, this time, almost sadly. But then he turned back, an odd expression on his face. "Sorry, I guess I'm just surprised." He shrugged, looking almost sheepish, "I guess I'm just not used to anyone asking _me_ about this kind of stuff." He chuckled. It almost didn't sound forced. "I'm usually the one asking others." 

Ai felt his stomach sink just a bit. But Reiji was right. None of them really took interest in each other's personal lives except Reiji. But the way he had phrased it-- it sounded like he was implying _everyone_. Had none of STARISH or Shining Staff ever said anything to him either? He thought back to all the effort Reiji put in to make this group work, to make people, even other coworkers, smile and noticed when people seemed to be having an off day. Even to all this holiday stuff. 

Ai looked around, taking in the modest decoration Reiji had put up all by himself. In that moment, he really took a second to appreciate how compassionate of a person he was. 

He didn't even notice Reiji had gone back to looking at his phone until the brunette sighed. "I know we're all busy, but I guess," he looked guilty, his voice getting softer so Ai had to strain a bit to hear him, "I guess I'm just being too nostalgic." He sighed again, shaking his head, "it feels pathetic, being all grown up, but... Trying to work around our schedules to see my family seems to get harder with every year." The feeling in Ai's stomach tightened in sympathy. Reiji sighed yet again. "It sounds so lame, but I miss making Christmas dinner with my family." 

He looked like he was about to say something, to laugh off the moment or undermine his feelings, but Ai jumped in. "Actually," he suddenly felt a bit conscious, but didn't see a point in hesitating, "I was going to ask if you would mind if we made a sort of Christmas dinner." Reiji's expression might have been comical, eyes wide, mouth agape, but Ai didn't see it that way. He shrugged, half gesturing vaguely toward the other two's bedrooms, "for us I mean." 

To his dismay, Reiji's eyes filled with tears. A gasp, then his hand was covering his mouth, as if to withhold a sob. But Reiji, quick as ever, stifled his less than beamingly positive emotions, replying with a watery smile, "I'd love to!" 

The next morning, they set out to get groceries together. Reiji had apparently assumed they'd all be doing their own thing and hadn't bothered picking much up. "Our options might be a little limited, we definitely won't be the only people doing some last minute shopping!" 

Reiji seemed to be in especially high spirits. Even earlier as they'd been leaving, Camus and Ranmaru had momentarily paused their bickering to eye Reiji's good spirits with suspicion, especially since Ai didn't seem like he was being dragged with him.

But that didn't stop Ai from noting that Reiji had mentioned getting groceries as a whole, not _additional_ food. He'd made it seem as though he wasn't going to be seeing much of his family, either. Which begged the question, what _had_ Reiji been intending to do? Celebrate on his own? From his research and now his experience with Syo and Natsuki, Ai had a better understanding of how lonely that would have been and was especially glad he'd taken the time to look into all of this. 

Even as they went around the store, he became even more aware of how considerate Reiji was of all of them. He tried to pass his comments off as jokes, such as, "hmmm I wonder if this would be sweet enough even for Myu," or "ah, Ranran is so picky about his tastes, this wouldn't be good," but now that he was looking, Ai wondered how he hadn't appreciated at least the sentiment before. 

That being said, he was entirely unprepared for Reiji to spin on him and ask suddenly, "what about you, Aiai? What would you like to eat?" 

He hadn't given it much thought lately, but... "I've heard about this apple cider in particular that's supposed to be interesting," he responded after a moment. "Or maybe cranberry sauce? All the images I have seen seem rather strange, but it's popular, isn't it?" 

Reiji's face lit up, "oh yes! I think that's more an American thing, but that works! I'm sure Ranran will like it too!" And so he bustled off. 

Overhead, Ai caught a snatch of music over the din of other shoppers. 

_My heart told me once before, to find my dream and search no more, but when my heart finds Christmas, I hope it finds you too_. 

* * *

It was rather convenient that Otoya called Reiji when he did. They had been on the road, Reiji's phone linked to his car allowing for easy hands off communication. "Rei-chan! Do you want to come over and make food here? Ren said he'd help me make food for tomorrow and suggested asking if you'd help us too!" 

Reiji laughed, glancing at Ai, unspoken question in his eyes. "It would probably be more convenient, as Ranmaru and Camus would probably be suspicious if we made food at the apartment," Ai replied. 

Otoya seemed delighted, "Oh! Mikaze-senpai is there too?" 

Reiji chuckled again, his smiling broadening still wider. After a bit more planning, Reiji adjusting his route to go back to Shining's dorms, they were off and there in what felt like no time at all. 

Despite what they'd said, Ren and Otoya had seemed to have had things well under control by the time they got there. They occasionally asked Reiji's input on how to prepare or garnish something, but mostly they seemed to have an idea of what they wanted. 

Again, the most important thing seemed to just be the time spent together. And just as before, Ai found himself oddly swept up in it. He hardly even thought about it as Ren whispered _psst_ to him, offering a bite of a bit of chicken he'd rubbed with seasoning and baked. Reiji and Otoya had caught them, and Otoya's protests had been drowned out by Reiji's excitement. "Wow! Aiai! You really are getting into the holiday spirit!" His and Otoya's conversation turned, Ren slipping in with it easily. As for himself, Ai only smiled, opting to respond with his immersion into the cooking than responding verbally. 

He even found himself smiling with Otoya's antics, his banter with Ren's and Reiji's teasing. All the while, he didn't even notice himself starting to hum along to the music one of them had playing in the background as they worked. 

_Have a Holly jolly Christmas. It's the best time of the year. I don't know if there'll be snow, but have a cup of cheer_.

* * *

He admittedly hadn't thought about how or even if Ranmaru and Camus would be spending Christmas day with them. In hindsight it had seemed rather insensitive to assume they would. And yet, lo and behold, Ren had contacted Cecil and the two had somehow dragged them here to celebrate. Though, from their disgruntled sidelong glares at Ringo, Ai supposed the staff had something to do with it as well. But he wasn't complaining and, to his mild surprise, neither of them were either. Not genuinely, anyway. 

Christmas eve was a flurry of activity and festiveness from STARISH, of course. He was only mildly surprised when HEAVENS turned up to the little party as well, bringing their own assortment of food and cheer.

Ai was pretty sure he was the only one who noticed Reiji seeming on the verge of tears when Syo and Natsuki helped him bring down the tray of baked goods they had prepared for them. And he was surprised at his own feeling of mild pride when Ranmaru actually complimented the ham they had made. Perhaps the best thing was seeing the resentful agreement between him and Camus on enjoying the cranberry sauce. And just as Ai felt a bit put on the spot when Reiji told them it'd been his suggestion, he suddenly became aware of the music.

 _We were dreamers not so long ago, but one by one we all had to grow up_. 

In that moment, Ai became sensitively aware of the people around him. It wasn't just Reiji, everyone here was, well _here_. Here and not with their respective families. And then the realization hit him like a double punch. Whether Ranmaru or Camus wanted to admit it, they couldn't deny what they'd all felt, all realized when they went looking for Reiji together that day. Looking around, he realized it had to be the same for the others, too, STARISH and HEAVENS. 

These _were_ their families. Their _chosen_ families. The concept rang in his head, not having really stuck when he'd first read about it when he'd first done his research. Some people weren't close to their families, true. But that was okay, too. And suddenly he understood his own loneliness, blessedly, in the moment in which it lifted completely. 

_When it seems the magic has slipped away, we find it all again on Christmas Day._

With that, he let his eyes fall closed, smiling, _really_ smiling as the warmth flooded into him. He responded lightly, deflecting the compliment back onto Reiji, who, between the gesture and his comment, seemed utterly flustered. For a wonder, the other two seemed to soften, too. 

Perhaps that was the magic that people talked about. The supposed magic of the holidays. 

Ai realized then, too, he still had a lot to learn, a lot he didn't understand. But as he looked around, he felt the warmth spread across his chest, felt it tingle in his toes and fingertips. He wasn't anxious about not understanding everything. He wasn't just confident he'd get it. He felt genuinely excited to learn more. Not just about these sorts of celebrations, but about these three-- his _chosen family_ \-- too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Oof please forgive me, despite the one angst thing I did I am not used to writing for QN specifically for Ai.


End file.
